First movie of the new year is a little sci fi/horror movie called Deep Rising,
starring Treat Williams(when he was still relevant) and Famke Jannsen(before her x-men days).  Williams stars as a driver for hire but his mode of transportation is a boat and his current job maybe his last.  Cheesy, yeah I know.  He is carrying mercenaries with the destination of the most luxurious cruise liner in the world.  But when the team gets there, they find that everyone has been killed by some unknown creature that is still lurking in the ship.  Let's get this out of the way, this is not a great movie nor is it an oscar worthy movie, but it is an entertaining movie with a good bit of action, decent special effects and surprise, a decent story.  Definetely a popcorn type of movie, you know the kind you watch and you can actually eat popcorn to. Unlike a sappy drama or raunchy comedy.  But I do give it 3 beers out of 5.

Another scifi movie makes it in the six pack this week.  1994's Puppet Masters starring Donald Sutherland.  Not to be confused with the Puppet Master series of cheesy horror lore, think more along the lines of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  The invasion in the this movie starts in a small town in Iowa and the "masters" are alien life forms that attach themselves to a host's back and stick a prong in the brain stem to control the host thus creating a "puppet".  The film was actually really good, surprisingly.  The story keeps you guessing and you are never sure who is real and who is a puppet.  Sutherland plays an FBI agent who is in charge of containing the outbreak and finding a cure.  If you have never heard of this movie you are not alone.  I remember seeing a trailer for it a long time ago but could never find it, to my surprise found it for 5 bucks on blu ray and I thought, what the hell?  Movie get 3 beers.

This movie could be the most perfect movie of 2012.  The Dark Knight Rises does a superb job of mixing action, emotion and story to weave one of the most entertaining 3 hours of the year.  Christopher Nolan returns to direct his third Batman installment and he brings with his familiar faces Christian Bale as Batman, Michael Caine as Alfred, Morgan Freeman as Lucious Fox and Gary Oldman as Commisioner Gordon.  Newcomers to the trilogy is Marion Cottilard, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt and Anne Hathaway as Catwoman.  But the best newcomer is definetely the new villian, Bane.  Played by Tom Hardy with such verocity that he may be the best Batman villian ever put on screen, sorry fans of the Joker.  Bane is such a physical specimen that even Batman is no match for him and his network of underground terrorists have Gotham in the palm of their hands.  This is one of the must see films of the year and does deserve an oscar nod for best picture.  I also feel that Michael Caine should get a best supporting actor nod but I know it won't happen.  Caine was terrific as the butler Alfred yet again.  He is in the movie for only a handful of scenes but his emotion stretches over the entire film.  One of my favorites, 5 beers.

Burke and Hare is the true story about a couple of Irishmen who discover a new line of work in Edinburgh, Scotland, they deliver corpses to the medical universities who pay top dollar for fresh cadavers.  The only problem is the supply is somewhat limited so Burke and Hare decide to take matters into their own hands.  Burke played by Simon Pegg falls in love with an actress played by Isla Fisher and he decides to finance her latest play.  Hare is played by Andy Serkis(Gollum) and he is blackmailed by his wife to keep doing it.  The movie is funny and witty and deserves to be watched.  It is available on instrant stream on netflix so check it out sometime.  4 beers.

Now time to get to some crap.  Mountain of the Cannibal God starring Stacy Keach and Ursula Andress.  Wow.  I watched a special feature of the movie and the director was talking about how the movie is not pornographic or erotic is anyway.  Really.  I watched when Ursula Andress, possibly one of the worst actresses I have ever seen, gets "tied" up and the women of the tribe proceed to remove her clothes and rub her in some kind of muddy substance.  And they also decide to rub each other in this mud and while '70's porn music is playing.  This movie was really bad and basically it was trying to capitalize on the genre of the time.  I feel bad for Stacy Keach who was a respected actor, but how can the man act opposite a tree named Ursula.  For most of the movie she looks like she is reading off a card and has to be told when to talk.  Apparently she was a sex symbol in the '60's and posed in playboy but again Playboy does not ask her to act.  I have seen better acting on WWE wrestling. Sad.  Please avoid this movie unless you want to get drunk during this movie.  Take a shot whenever the camera shot is of someone's feet.  No beers.

Now for some more crap.  Honestly this is the reason why I write these blogs, to ridicule crappy movies like this, Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.  The deadly Gingerdead Man is sent back in time to 1970 something and gets trapped at a roller skate rink during a disco boogie party.  Yeah.  Cheesy acting and cheesy death scenes are the epitomy of this movie.  The bad acting I expected, the bad story I expected also, but it was so bad that even I was shocked at the crappiness of the movie.  Really bad one liners and very cheesy death scenes and with these kind of movies you really only watch for the death scenes.  Very unsatisfying deaths.  Could have been so much better and cheesier.  Still gets 0 beers.  Go watch a Troma film instead.

Last Movie Reviews before the End of the World

First movie this week is the classis 1985 film Explorers.  Starring a young Ethan Hawke and a very young River Phoenix as two sci fi nerds who dream of space exploration.  With the help of a dream Ethan Hawke gives his friend an idea how to make space travel possible.  Using a computer program the boys come up with a glass sphere that is unbreakable, can change size and move at any speed imaginable.  The boys than design an outifit to sit inside the bubble, aka a Tilt a Whirl cart, and try space exploration.  Everything is fine until something from outer space is contacting them and pulling them closer to the outer reaches of the universe, only to discover we are not much different than any other species.  Movie is really good and fun for all ages.  It gives me a warm feeling of nostalgia when I watch it.  My kids even got a kick out of it.  Fun movie with a good sound track and it is pretty comical.  Catch this film on netflix instant view sometime.

Next review is also a blast from the past, Monster Squad.  Made in 1987, Monster Squad is about a group of young boys who have a clubhouse and formed a group called the monster squad.  Mainly just for fun and scary movies but not much else.  But not all is well in the nether regions as a group of monster are uniting to bring darkness across the world for eternity.  Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon are the monsters hell bent on fulfilling the ancient prophecy that can only happen once every 100 years.  The movie is decent, I am glad that I got to see it and my daughter watched it with me so it was not too gross or scary for her.  Still full of cheesy 1980's clothes and music and language.  I don't know when "thats Rad" went out of style but it needs to come back soon.  Movie get 3 stars.

Next movie I did not enjoy as much.  I think this was a syfy movie at one point or another.  During a tropical storm, the crew of an oil rig is evacuated except for a skeleton crew.  But something was awakened in the deep, of course, and is killing the remaining crew one bye one, of course.  No one has any idea where the monsters came from and the director makes sure the viewer has no idea about the monsters either.  No back story on anything or anybody, poor acting, poor visual effects and the monster is just a man in a fish suit with a big toothed mouth.  Kind of lame. Even the gore was less than desired, poor among my standards of gratuitous gore and violence.  Do not waste your time unless you have nothing else to watch, even than, old hockey games look mighty good next to this garbage.  1 star.

Next movie is a civil war era movie called the Conspirator.  After the assassination of Lincoln the country is hungry for justice and vengeance.  The people involved in the murder were not really given a fair trial or due process.  The movie centers on Mary Surrat, who was a confederate woman who owned a bed and breakfast in Maryland who was accused of knowing about the impending assassination but did nothing to prevent it.  Mary Surrat also became the first woman the U.S. ever executed as she was the last of 4 to hang for the murder on Abraham Lincoln.  James McAvoy stars as the lawyer given the case to make her look innocent when he does not even believe it himself.  He is torn between doing what is right by defending Mary and satisfying the country's thirst for justice.  He realizes he is in a no-win situation.  The movie was pretty decent but a little slow in some parts, mainly in the middle.  It is definetely worth a look. 3 stars.

The Hunter starring Willem Dafoe was probably the best movie that I watched the past week or two.  It is about a man sent to Tasmania to hunt the elusive and thought to be extinct Tasmanian Tiger.  The company he is working for wants the creature for cloning purposes and will stop at nothing to make sure that no one knows why Dafoe is there, except some work from the university.  The movie is a little slow, but most indie movies are.  Dafoe does one helluva job acting here, maybe his best since Boondock Saints.  This movie is a definite must see, I loved it.  4 stars.

Now this is a movie you must not see.  Yes, a SyFy movie based on the Mothman Prophecies from West Virginia in 1967.  Except this time, the Mothman comes for you through reflective surfaces and wants to rip out your eyes. Why?  No one knows.  Not even the people making the movie.  They took a local legend and turned it into local crap.  I wanted to gouge my eyes out after watching this big steaming cup of pig fat.  Horrible acting and horrible special effects, I actually fast forwarded thru half the movie waiting for sometihing to happen that was not stupid.  Too bad that was the whole movie.  If you play the Syfy drinking games on Saturday night during the premiere of Syfy garbage, knock yourself out than.  But please avoid this, for your sake and for the sake of your daughter. Please.

The Amazing Spiderman and Expendables 2 along with some others....

Welcome to the blogspot of AJ and his amazing movie intellect that you will most certainly enjoy.

First movie is The Amazing Spider-Man.  I was not sure why they felt spidey needed a reboot after only 10 years from when Sam Raimi released his first Spiderman, but Hollywood felt it was needed.  First thing is first, Tobey Maguire is gone as is Sam Raimi, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco and every other notable character from the first trilogy.  Sad.  In comes Andrew Garfield from Social Network fame to reprise the role of Spiderman\Peter Parker.  Retelling the story of how he becomes the spider man was ok i guess.  The best part of the movie was the new villian, Dr. Kurt Connors aka the Lizard.  Dr. Connors is a scientist obsessed with cross species  gene splicing, lizards to be precise.  He lost his arm when he was younger and wants to grow another like how a lizard can grow back their tail if it is removed.  Parker unknowingly helps Connors unlike the secret but by doing so unleashes a new destructive force on the city. 

I have no problem with Garfield or the lovely Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, still I liked Maguire but Stone is a definite upgrade over Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen.  Also starring Martin Sheen and Sally Field as Uncle Ben and Aunt May, Denis Leary as Captain Stacy and Rhys Ifans as Kurt Connors.  Pretty solid cast and it did have the obligatory Stan Lee cameo I was waiting for.  Special effects are top of the line and the writing got better as the movie went on.  We can expect 2 more sequels with Garfield and Stone signed on for at least 2 more movies.  Surely this movie can be enjoyed and should be.  4\5 stars.


Next is the macho man oozing sequel to the Expendalbes, the Expendalbes 2.  Simple and sweet, just like the movie.  The best thing about the first one was all the old action stars getting together, rubbing ben gay on each other and deciding to shoot a movie while they were all here.  Same formula for part 2.  Just a rundown of who is in this movie, Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Van Damme, Norris, Willis, and Schwartzanegger, a cornicopia of 80's over the top action.  Yes I did use the name of a Stallone 80's movie for that.  I love Over the Top.  Bull Hurley was great and how cool to be named Lincoln Hawk....how cool of a name is that.  

The Expendables take a job to clear their name from the first movie and of course get burned by new villian Jean Claude Van Damme.  Cool, I know.  They lose a comrade and take a vow of vengeance against him and spend the rest of the movie getting their lily asses kicked.  I dont want to spoil the movie but alot of bullets get shot, alot of people die and the one-liners, oh my goodness the one liners in this movie are epic.  But it has got to be about time for alot of these stars to stop pretending they are action stars or actors for that matter.  Surprised we have not seen any of them on reality TV or something like that.  Still I did enjoy the movie and would recommend it fans of action and people looking for some nostalgia.  3\5 stars.

I would have just put a steaming pile of dog crap instead of the poster for this movie but I thought a pile of poo was also a horrible way to die, but this torture would be worse.  I fast forward thru half the movie and still it did not go anywhere.  Critics said it was a new genre changing horror flick, hopefully that genre is not boring ass slow moving pieces of garbage with bad camera work, bad writing and bad acting.  Never explained what was going on because it was too busy trying to be a new kind of horror movie, almost like a real life experience.  I wish it was a real life situation.  I would have rather of been beaten by a homeless bum with aids than watch this movie ever again.  Please do not view it on Netflix, many better movies to watch instead.  0\5 stars.  Winner of the Turdburger Special of the Week.